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# Grown/up
- URL: https://down-by-law.ghost.io/grown-up/
- Published: 2026-09-14T04:38:33.000Z
- Updated: 2026-09-14T04:38:33.000Z
- Author: Stacy Y. China

*Describe the moment when you knew you were a woman*

I remember when I stopped fighting it.

When I stopped picking up the armor to wear.

I remember the various sets of interlocking tin — tomboy, baggy pants, deep voice, cutting voice — all presented with no war paint. I remember putting them on. I remember using them to cut, to contain, to restrict, to push away. 

And I remember being really, really angry. And not knowing why.

Years past before I noticed the weight of what I was carrying. I remember becoming distinctly aware of its constriction — on my shoulders, on the small of my back, on the backs of my legs. There was a sharp realization of how hard it was to take a deep breath. Then the eventual realization that breathing had almost stopped altogether.

In time, the desire to breathe became more important than the fear of what that living, breathing air might bring. I remember consciously forgetting to pick up one piece of armor, then another. Tin falling away. Body becoming lighter.

And when I stopped, I remember that the world didn’t stop. The earth under my feet didn’t give way and swallow me. But it did settle still. And the spirits — young and old, living and dead, subdued and fiery — rose up to meet me.

Rooted in the earth. Light enough to fly.

December 19th, 2013 10:46am